It has been awhile..................

It has been awhile since I have updated my blog.

As you all know Sean was terminated from his job in September. Now, it is the 1st of November. In the month and a half we have moved from Tennessee to Nebraska, where the unemployment is at 4%. And I have a job at Arby's as an assistant manager. The problem is that I have not been able to start working. I am still waiting for my criminal back ground check to come back. After it comes back I will be working.

Sean has had two interviews with Wells Fargo Bank. We are just waiting to hear back from them on whether or not he is hired. We will not find out until sometime next week.

Since we have been in Nebraska we have started going to church. I must say that I am feeling a little better since we have been going to church. There are times that Sean and I think that the pastor is talking directly to us. At the moment we are living with my grandmother. There is not a lot to do when there is no income coming in. Once I start working and get some money saved up we will be back on our own.

Slowly but surely we will be getting back onto our feet. I am hoping it is going to be by Christmas, because I do not like the fact that our children might have to suffer at Christmas. At least they are too little to understand what is going on.

Until next time. I hope that everyone has a great night!

What to do now!

Well we are heading into week two of not having an income coming in. On a good note I have received several job offers from Nebraska. Now, we are talking about moving there. The problem is getting there with no money. I know that people have moved on less but I am not even sure if we can do that.

Last Thursday the kids had their first dentist appointment and they did extremely well, I was so proud of them. Then Sean and I decided to get them something for being so brave. We took them to the Dollar Tree. Emma was happy to pick something out. Evan on the other hand had a look of disappointment on his face. Sean said "Why don't you pick something out". I could see the look on his face. I felt so bad. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.

It is so strange going through all of this again. The only difference is the last time that this happened I had a job. I was not a stay at home mother. It is difficult because I can not have the nervous breakdown that I need because I know that I need to stay strong for the children.

Sean and I have been through hard times before. Before it was just Sean and I. What makes it so difficult this time is the kids. I know that we will make it through!

Can this really be happening?!

Well today has been a day to forget. And here is why.......

This morning my husband called me at 9:30 am and I thought that it was just to talk as he always does on his way to the bank. Well, was I wrong. It was to tell me that he had just gotten terminated from Gamestop. That is just the beginning. They did not give him his separation notice, for those that know in the state of Tennessee it is a federal law that when he leaves it is supposed to be in hand. This is for federal reasons. Now we have no income coming in. So I then called my former employer and no it is not that hell of a hole hospital. So I am waiting for them to call me back to let me know whether or not I can come back.

If it is not one thing it is another. I really feel like that God does not like us. The one question that comes to mind is "Why does he allow these things to happen?" What have we done? Maybe it is because we do not go to church every Sunday. What do we have to do to make things change? I am not sure what to do anymore. Everything as of right now is in someone else's hands. Unemployment, food stamps and even health insurance.

Why!?

Why does it feel like that we are destined for failure? Sometimes I think that believe it a waste of time, because so many bad things have happened to us. First, we had two miscarriages, then a total of three jobs were lost in a year and a half time frame, then major financial difficulties, three deaths one on my side of the family and two on Sean's side. At the same time believing made it possible to find love and happiness and have to wonderful children.

Now, once again I have the failure feeling looming on me. Wonder if this is a sign that we are supposed to move and start fresh somewhere else. Sometimes it feels that all of these negative signs is a sign for use to move. Will moving really help us? Everywhere we go there is going to be someone like "him".

So how do we deal with the "hims" that are out there. There is only so much that we can do. Is this a sign from the all might power that Sean is not where he is supposed to be. If so how come he could not do this sign in a better way.

A little of this and that.

Well, where do I begin? it has not really been a hectic week just one of those weeks. First, I finally graduated from that awful University of Phoenix. Sean found out that they are a for - profit university and all I can say about that is "ugh!". I will not officially be a graduate until I get my degree. As I was finishing my degree at the University of Phoenix, I began enrollment at Kaplan University for my bachelor's degree in Business Administration, human resources. Yes, I know it is going to be a lot to repay, but the future of our children is what I am thinking about.

This was also the week of my 29th birthday, just another day. We did not really do anything special, it was just nice to spend time with the family. It is just one week closer for Sean's mandatory work conference. This year he is getting to go to San Antonio, Texas. That is going to be a hard week, we have done it before, so I have no idea why I am complaining about it.

A lot of things has happened I am beginning to wonder what path God has me on. It seems like that everything I or we do we always get pushed two steps back. I have been listening and waiting for the right answer. The one question that I have been asking myself lately is "how do I know, when my questions have been answered." I have no idea what to look or hear for. I am at a crossroads and I am getting more and more confused.

What the.........

It has been one heck of a week. First, I get an e-mail stating that I need to be verified for the Department of Education. This part of school is starting to get tiring. Every time I have to re-do my financial aid for school I get picked to be "verified" it is such a pain in the rear end.
Second, I have been thinking about turning in my application for a management position, the only thing about that is thinking about daycare, AGAIN!
Third, I just keep waiting for a sign about which road I am supposed to be on. I am just waiting for a something a sign.
Now, I am in my last week of getting my associates degree. I have finished my first project and now I just have to figure out how to do the next project. Ugh!
Finally, I am trying to find a place to go to for a little vacation before Sean has to deal with the holidays. I am thinking about Gatlinburg to take the kids to the Dixie Stampede and the Aquarium. Or maybe Metropolis, Evan likes Superman. Plus I have never been there. Time will tell on what is going to happen.

I have two more weeks until I gradute University of Phoenix-Axia College with an associates degree in Health Care Administration. Then starting August 25th I will begin working on my bachelor's degree at Kaplan University. I am going to be spending the rest of my life paying off these loans, but it is well worth it. Hopefully, everything will go well with Sean, he is getting his masters in education. The one problem that he is having is that he is having problems trying to get his degree without doing the teachers certification. He finally found an university that does what he is looking for, Kaplan University.

I hope that God is pushing him in the right direction. Sometimes I think that we are met to suffer a little before we get that push that tells us that we are going in the right direction. I just hope that this is the right direction for both of us. We both have the feeling that we are supposed to be in Nebraska. Have you ever had that feeling that you are in the "right" place? Well in Nebraska we both have that feeling, it just feels right.

At this point in time we are both looking for jobs in Nebraska as well at Tennessee. I just hope that we can find something there instead of here.

The Past.

My 10 year high school reunion is coming up this weekend. I am extremely excited about seeing the friends that helped me through my high school years, I am also kind of scared to see the ones that always made fun of me.

Let me explain what had happened to me. As you you know my father passed away when I was 7 years old, just four days before my sister was born. My mother never got over the death of my father. Everything was going good until the summer of my senior year. My mom told me that I was the reason my father passed away, because a couple of weeks before I saw my dad, for the last time, a couple of my friends had the chicken pox. She told me that was the reason that he passed away because I was contagious with the chicken pox.

That summer things became extremely hard for me. She told me that I had to choose between working and playing soccer because I was no longer allowed to live in her house, because I was the reason the love of her life died. At the age of 17 I was kicked out of the house. I was ashamed to tell this to any friends, because there was no room for personal drama in high school, and I did not want to be people to think of me as my mom did "that is the girl that killed her father". Of course most of you know what happened. I ended up leaving the beloved high school that was about to graduate from. I dropped out so I could work to live my own, I was scared to call my grandparents, they live in Nebraska, because I thought that they thought the same thing, that I was the reason my dad died. When I finally did call them, they told me to come and live with them and get things sorted out. So that is what I did.

After living there for over a year I moved back to Tennessee, to sort things out with my mother. Which did not work out well. Now, I am happy that this happened because it made me a stronger person and I would have never met my husband and had two wonderful children.

What a day!

Well, today is Saturday and I did not do anything that was on my "to do list". So, what did I do today? I played with the kids most of the day and did some class work. My "to do list" was filled with cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning. Ok, not that much cleaning. But when I am cleaning after two toddlers it feels like I am cleaning like that.

I did plan on taking the kids to the pool today, that did not happen because of the temperature. I did not want Evan to have any respiratory problems with the heat advisory that we are under at the moment. Tomorrow is another day, Sean is off and I am thinking about traveling the 45 minutes to go to Nashville West to go to Target. I need to start looking for something to wear for my 10 year high school reunion, Oh my goodness! I can not believe that it has been 10 years.

Carla

The First One!

This is my very first blog, I am doing this because I am looking for answers. Not just any answers, but answers about faith and the reasoning behind why things happen, and why they happen to good people. Another reason for doing this blog; A couple of weeks ago I was visiting my grandmother in Nebraska and as we were talking I realized that I could not remember alot about my childhood. So, I am hoping that if I write about things that I remember may some of my memories will come back.

Ok, here it goes. Well, just not yet. I am not going to start asking the hard questions until later on. Right now I am going to tell you about my morning. Have you just been so irritable that you just want to scream? That is what my morning was like, the kids were at each other and people on the road were just making me more irritable.

Now, I am much better. I was able to get some mommy time! Sometimes that is all it takes to feel better.